Worries Allowed: It's Okay to Feel Anxious About Your "Stress-Free" Elopement
Understanding These Feelings: A Deeper Look
Before we talk about specific solutions, it’s important to hold space for these feelings themselves.
"Are We Just Running Away?"
A tender fear can sometimes surface after choosing a private elopement: "Did we choose this just because we're running away from a big wedding? Does that make us cowards?" This is often shame disguised as a practical question. Let’s reframe it with a gentler, truer perspective. You are not running away from something; you are running towards something: a day that is authentic, intimate, and deeply meaningful to you. But running towards something new, even when it’s wonderful, means heading into the unknown. And that's where the next layer of apprehension often lives.
The Apprehension Isn’t About the Marriage, It’s About the Unknown
That feeling of heading into the unknown is where logistical anxiety comes from. You are sure about your partner, but you are unsure about the practicalities of the day: not knowing how it will feel, where to stand, what to do, or even who is ‘in charge’ of the flow. This is a crucial distinction, as elopement anxiety is very often logistical, not a fear of commitment. To help with exactly this feeling, the very first guide in this series is a detailed, no-surprises walk-through of the entire ceremony, moment by moment. [Link: You can read it here]
The Truth About a Calm Ceremony: It Doesn’t "Just Happen"
The beautiful, windswept photos you see online can make it seem like a perfect elopement is completely effortless. This can make you feel anxious for even wanting a plan. But the truth is, that feeling of calm you're hoping for doesn't come from a lack of structure; it's made possible by a gentle structure. Knowing the flow of your ceremony isn't about following a rigid script; it's about creating a quiet rhythm for your moment. It’s what frees your mind from wondering about ‘what happens next?’ and allows you to relax and be fully present with each other. A thoughtful plan for your ceremony doesn't take away the magic; it creates the space for the magic to unfold.
So you’ve decided to elope. You’ve let go of the big, stressful wedding, and the first feeling is often one of pure, quiet relief. Finally, a path that feels like you. But then, maybe after a few days, a different feeling starts to creep in. A small, persistent knot of unease that asks, "Okay, but what about...?"
If this sounds even a little familiar, I understand it completely. Personally, I’m not someone who is swept away by pure enthusiasm either. My own nature is to think things through, and yes, to worry. That’s why, when a couple shares their quiet anxieties with me, my role is never to say, "Don't worry, it will all be fine." That would invalidate the very feelings I am here to support.
My promise to you is this: your worries are welcome here. My role is to hold space for them, to take them seriously, and to use my experience to create a gentle, reassuring plan that addresses them.
Common Elopement Concerns (and My Gentle Reassurance)
Here are some of the most common "residual worries" I hear from shy, introverted, and private couples, and my reassurance for each one.
1. The Introvert's Concern: "The intimacy itself feels intense. Will it be awkward?"
You’ve stripped away the crowd, but now the sole focus is on you. The apprehension isn't just about small talk; it's about the vulnerability of being so completely seen. "What if we look at each other and… feel awkward?" This is a real fear, born not from a lack of love, but from the intensity of prolonged, meaningful eye contact without a crowd to diffuse the energy.
My reassurance: This is a very real concern, and we solve it together by finding your ‘anchor’: a comfortable and safe place for your focus to rest during the ceremony.
As we get to know each other, we will gently figure out your style. On the day of your ceremony, there won't be any awkward surprises, only a calm, predictable space for you to be yourselves.
2. The Private Couple's Question: "We need witnesses. Will strangers feel intrusive?"
This is such a common and valid question. You've chosen an elopement to create a bubble of privacy, and the legal requirement of having two witnesses can feel like a contradiction.
My reassurance: We protect your bubble of privacy, always. My approach is to keep this circle as small and as comfortable as possible.
3. The Shy Person's Fear: "I'm still afraid of being watched. What if I freeze up?"
Even without a crowd, the anxiety about the ceremony itself can remain. What if you get too emotional and can't speak?
My reassurance: By the time we stand together for your ceremony, the professionals you've chosen will not feel like strangers. That trust is our foundation. You will know the gentle structure of the ceremony, but this is a soft outline, not a rigid script; we will always have the flexibility to honour how you feel in the moment. My most important job is to read you, not just the words on my script. Your only job is to be present with your partner. Rest assured, I’ve got you.
4. The Neurodivergent Person's Apprehension: "What about sensory overload?"
The outdoors is beautiful, but also unpredictable. A valid concern is, "What if the wind is too loud? What if the feeling of the handfasting cord is wrong?" The deepest fear is often that you'll have to put on a brave face, hiding your discomfort.
My reassurance: This is something we plan for proactively. My process is about creating a predictable and sensory-friendly experience. We will talk beforehand about potential triggers and choose rituals that feel grounding. My promise is that our ceremony space is a place where you don't have to pretend. It is a space designed for your comfort, not for you to perform comfort for others.
5. The Planner's Hesitation: "What about the rest of the day? Will it feel anticlimactic?"
A common question that can arise is whether the day will feel strange, empty, or that the moment will be over too quickly.
My reassurance: Think of your ceremony as the cherry on the cake of your special day, not the whole cake. The key is to treat it like a day designed around what brings you joy.
6. The ‘Elopement+’ Concern: "What if bringing guests disrupts our peace?"
Perhaps you’re dreaming of an elopement that includes a few close family members. This can bring a new question to the surface: will you spend the day managing personal dynamics instead of focusing on each other?
My reassurance: With gentle planning and honest conversations, you can create an experience that is both shared and deeply personal.
Conclusion: Aiming for a "Worry-Supported" Day
The goal of a quiet elopement is not a mythical, "worry-free" experience. It is a "worry-supported" one.
This simply means that all your feelings are welcome. My work is to hold a safe space for all of it: the joy and the nerves. The guidance I offer, both for the ceremony itself and for how you approach the day, is all designed with one aim: to make sure you are ok