My first contact with couples is, unsurprisingly, varied. Sometimes it starts with dates, and times and locations and availability and although we both feel we are a good match things don’t work out due to logistics. I will always remember J’s first email for the amazing level of excitement about having me conduct a handfasting ceremony for him and his partner R during their forthcoming Scotland holiday.

The couple was planning to come all the way from North America  to tour the land of their ancestors and adding this commitment to each other in this very special place was an opportunity they desperately wanted to make happen. J & R  had felt a connection via my website and were convinced I was absolutely the right celebrant for them, and I was enthused by their passion and excitement, so we were all keen to make this dream come true. We had to overcome challenges with dates and locations but over quite a few emails and a Zoom call we found a day and a dream destination that fitted their vision! As they started their campervan tour of Scotland, with a bit of homework like finding their handfasting material, I started to create their ceremony…

And then we met on a beautiful Sunday morning near the shores of Loch Assynt with a view of the ruins of Ardvreck Castle. R & J had already spent a couple of nights in the area and taken in the special atmosphere of Assynt, this corner of the North-West Highlands that comes with such an incredible geological history, and which, as many will confirm, has a very special feeling. One of those ‘thin places’ that transcends the senses, but also the boundaries of time and space. 

The original plan had been to hold the handfasting ceremony at Ardvreck Castle, but an unusually wet spell had cut off access (although we could have just made it there in wellies). The stunning waterfall nearby had been a fallback and during their visit the day before this location had felt right to the couple, maybe even better than the original as it was closer to nature and more private.

What enfolded was a beautiful ceremony that honoured their Scottish ancestors, connected them with the landscape and more than anything created a space for them to share their love for each other. ‘Holding’ ceremony or ‘holding space’ sometimes sounds abstract but with some couples it is what is at the very centre of my role. And space should not be seen as static, but fluid. The ceremony is the flow that carries a couple along a journey of listening, to me and to each other, of speaking  profound words of commitment, and of acting – in this case being bound together by a lovely handfasting cord J had braided with beautiful red ribbon they had found on the Isle of Skye, before they tied the knot! And then there are two more parts – looking and absorbing. Looking at each other, deeply and lovingly, and absorbing the atmosphere. In some ceremonies the atmosphere is created by the love and well wishes of the guests, in small intimate outdoor ceremonies like this one it is the feelings of the couple, and the atmosphere of the elements. On this autumn Sunday it was the crisp air of the autumn, the backdrop of tumbling water, the billion year old rocks that surrounded us, and for the fire element I can but choose the deep emotions between R & J

Thanks for making me part of this wonderful handfasting ceremony, a truly memorable event!