A vow renewal on the shores of Loch Ness is always a joyous occasion, and it’s extra special if you have travelled all the way across the Atlantic for this experience. Carolyn & Chris from Chicago’s weeklong Scotland adventure was quality time for themselves,  and incorporating a vow renewal honouring their 20 years of marriage was a special treat. Carolyn had discovered the beauty of Scotland  as a student many years ago and sharing the beauty of it with Chris now meant a lot to her.

It was even more remarkable because Chris’ ancestors hail from Scotland and it enabled him to honour his family’s history.Mulling over the location for a vow renewal ceremony is always part of the fun and often it can be hard to decide, but we had settled quickly on Dores Beach on the shores of Loch Ness as the perfect location. In easy driving distance from Inverness and their accommodation they could prepare in a relaxed atmosphere and then return to their hotel for their celebrations. 

As is usual with couples from overseas all our conversations in preparation for the ceremony took place via email and video callss, but with openness and generous sharing creating a connection is usually quite easy and Carolyn & Chris were lovely to work with. And yet there is always this very special moment when you meet in real life for the first time… There was no missing their arrival because their driver John had made the extra effort to decorate the car and it was lovely to see them in their beautiful wedding attire, ready for the beach vow renewal.   Finding your ceremony spot in a public space takes a bit of confidence, and decisiveness, but usually there is a clear sense of ‘this feels right’ and it did not take us long to settle.  John acted as the impromptu photographer and videographer and once we all had taken a breath to take in the scenery and  relax into this special moment we were ready to go.

What followed was simplicity – a couple of poems on marriage, my own words reflecting on the landscape and Chris & Carolyn’s story and their words of commitment for the future. They spoke these words holding an oathing stone. The oathing stone being a Celtic tradition we also dwelled on the thought that Chris’ ancestors might have affirmed their union in that way.  The couple also chose to re-exchange their rings, which always feels like a momentous moment of time travel – reflecting on the original exchange, the time that has passed and the relationship that has grown, and the continuity of the relationship going into the future.

As a final symbolic gesture Carolyn & Chris had chosen to drink from the quaich, another Scottish ritual of unity and connection. I had brought one of my own quaichs, from my local pottery in the Highlands. A modern take on the traditional shape of the two handled drinking vessel with a design honouring nature, it was filled with whisky from a distillery tour on their journey.  I always (partly jokingly) say that I must have the final say in a ceremony, and there is a reason for that… your celebrant will create a calm and blessed space for your ceremony at the beginning and help a couple truly ‘being in that space’. At the end it needs the reverse, reentering the world of everydays and connections with family, friends, the wider world.

And of course sending a couple back out should come with well-wishing and a blessing. On this occasion I chose John O’Donahue’s blessing ‘For Marriage’:

As Spring unfolds the dream of the earth,

May you bring each other’s hearts to birth.

As the ocean finds calm in view of land,

May you love the gaze of each other’s mind.

As the wind arises free and wild,

May nothing negative control your lives.

As kindly as moonlight might search the dark,

So gentle may you be when light grows scarce.

As surprised as the silence that music opens,

May your words for each other be touched with reverence.

As warmly as the air draws in the light,

May you welcome each other’s every gift.

As elegant as dreams absorbing the night,

May sleep find you clear of anger and hurt.

As twilight harvests all the day’s colour,

May love bring you home to each other.